Break down

Yesterday was rough. I got a call midmorning that they needed us to come in this Friday instead of next week to sign consents so we are on schedule, saying if we wait until next week it “will be too late ” and we’d have to wait even longer for our first round of IVF. So of course I tell them “yes absolutely whatever we need to do we’ll do it” and we schedule an apt at the furthest location away (because that’s where they had availability) and call it a day. Luckily I had taken off for the new year weekend and so did hubs so we were able to get in without rescheduling our lives too much. 

Shortly after, I get a phone call from the pharmacy that the doc called in the IVF medication to and speak to them for a bit. They’re going to check if we have any coverage at all for the meds, and if not then they’ll speak to my doc and ask him if they can substitute to the medication that they can give me at a discount (that way a bottle will only be about $300 instead of thousands) and they will then overnight it to me. They are going to try to get this to me on Friday, because if they can’t get it to me then the earliest it will arrive is wednesday because of the holiday weekend. Let’s hope for the best. 

Either way, I freaked out a few times yesterday- the first because I went back and forth a few times with the pharmacy because hubs unintentionally gave me inaccurate information and then again because he thought our information was hacked (long story short- he received a text about his rx card and it was false scamish data and yeah it was a big issue at the time). The second time because I was freaking out about all of the things that could go wrong with what we’re doing, and because of the fact that we have to do IVF, and because it’s very possible that hubs could be stabbing me with injections as early as Friday.. which by now is tomorrow. To say I’m a bit uneasy is an understatement. I woke up for no good reason ::read- because I was so anxious yesterday:: at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep until 4 something. That only happens to me if I’m sick, jet lagged, or if I’m super anxious about something for the next day (or excited like going to Disney the next day).  Grumble. Oh and let me back track, I was talking like a maniac to hubs when I was freaking out and crying and I let him know I was worried that (remember people, anxiety is illogical) he wouldn’t love me or would resent me while I’m on all of the hormones. To which he replies “you’re hormonal now and I still love you” and I reply “yeah, and it’s going to get ten times worse!” And he let’s me know he will still love me, drops what he’s doing, and sits down and hugs my foot because we’re weirdos and that helped while I hugged the dog bawling into her fur… my does that man love me and tolerate all of my ridiculous distorted anxiety thoughts. 

In general I think I needed that moment so I could refocus on what’s going to be happening over the next few days/weeks. I thought I had more time, but we’re running through these steps at light speed. I thought I’d have more time to get healthier, meditate, and take care of things at home. Guess I was wrong. On a good note though, I’ve been coffee free for an entire month and if we get pregnant on he first try we should have a baby by the end of 2017! I need to keep focused on that rather than on hubs with his giant bear claws holding needles precariously close to my body with the intention of playing nurse. Yup. Babies.


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