From 15 eggs down to 2 useable embryos

I couldn’t bring myself to write yesterday. I am thrilled that we have any options at all, and at the same time I’m so so discouraged. We want a big family. That means no matter what (unless twins or triplets happen from one embryo) that even if we are able to use both embryos and they both take, that we are going to inevitably have to do a second round of the egg retrieval at some point. I’m scared that we’ll go through the first two embryos and they won’t take, and I’m scared that they will and then we’ll end up doing another egg retrieval when I’m older and have small children running around and I won’t have the same recovery. Either way, I’m mixed and it’s not fun. How could we only have two without the gene? On the one hand, I’m glad we opted for invitro, because 2 out of 7 is about 28%. They told us the chance of having a kid with the gene was 50%. Talk about a difference in numbers….. we’ll hubs was saying we ought to play the lotto with the numbers from our biopsy. It would be something like (embryo numbers) 3 and 6, then 2, and 20 (day we found our). How funny would that be? Win the lotto and have no problem paying to do all of this again…. erm.

That’s where we are currently; two embryos, of which we opted to not know the genders. So we could have two possible options of the same or different genders. Is it weird that I hope we do one embryo during the transfer and that it splits naturally to twins? Like I would really appreciate that whoever decided this kind of stuff in the universe- think you can do that for me? Thanks. 

I spoke with a friend who is also going through IVF and is now two months behind us- apparently her doc wants to push it back another cycle 😦 and on the one hand I’m really glad that we’re able to talk to her and get support and help her out as well. It didn’t really sink in about how drastically these numbers drop from the time of harvest to what’s useable until they told me two. I was convinced that we’d have at least half- maybe even more to try with and we would never have to do another egg retrieval…. at least I can spare my friend from the frustrations that I’ve encountered and help her deal with all of the unexpected crud when/if she experiences it.  

I’m struggling with a constant flow of thoughts. My brain keeps jumping around from “woohoo we’re going to have a baby!!!!” To “omg what if they don’t take?!” To “we’re going to have to repeat this….” to “I just want to be done with all of this”… sigh. We started getting rid of things at home that at in the way of having a baby room. We sold and moved a desk out of our home, and next up this weekend is moving a dresser into that room and getting all of the remaining crud out of there either by packing it up or tossing or donating. I want that space to be a happy and cozy and relaxing place so I can refocus my mind and inner being to be more positive and more confident in all of this. No, we aren’t putiting a crib or anything in there yet. And we ARE getting it ready so we’ll both be less stressed when the time comes to actually be ready for a baby. I’m not ok with having to rush around last minute for anything after all of this. I want to be prepared and least stressed as possible. That way when the bigger task of baby proofing the house comes around, there’s at least one safe room for baby…. 

we have embryo numbers 3 and 6 that are healthy and are confirmed to be BRAC2 free. That’s at least the start to our family. Now it’s time to look forward to actually baking the bun. Just have to pull it out of the freezer first. 

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