FET success!

Ok so here’s the scoop:

We live a good hour/hour fifteen from the office where we do all of the big procedures, so I thought “hey that’s plenty of time to fill my bladder for our first FET. People, listen up and listen well- it was not possible to drink 20-30oz of fluid a full hour and a half before our procedure and not pee. So we got to the clinic about 15 minutes before the original scheduled time (about 12:30 and we were supposed to get there for 12:45 for a 1:30 fet) and I peed and then downed another 23.7oz bottle of water. We waited, I drank water, and when it was time to go back (about 1/1:10) I had a full enough bladder that it was fine. I only a little bit had to pee, and I’m so glad I didn’t feel like i did before I peed… I don’t think I would have made it (as you’ll see in a bit). So we have me change into the gown and hair net and crazy socks, wait for a bit more, and then they come and check ids and all that stuff. They walk me back (sadly hubs was NOT allowed to be in the room with me- something about needing to be a sterile environment or something- and I asked everyone I came in contact with for weeks… no go there). It’s the same room where we did the egg retrieval, but with less people. The ultrasound tech is the one who got me initially set up. I liked her, I have no idea what her name was but she made me laugh and I felt comfortable. She checks with an ultrasound to make sure everything is looking good, then she tells the doc we’re good to go. Doc comes in, as does the embryologist, they all confirm with me my name, dob, and how many embryos to transfer, we all agree, and they have the table recline a bit. Then doc places all of the medical lady bit stuff so he can see what he’s doing and gives the ok for the embryologist to load the embryos into the turkey-baster thing. Doc then cleans the inside of the lady bits with a wet q-tip (very similar feeling to a yearly pap- sort of) and they are ready for the embryos. Now I will tell you that the part that was most uncomfortable (not painful, just sort of crampy with pressure) was the combination of how the speculum thing had to be placed in combination with the pressure from all of the stuff happening at once. Although I only had to pee a little bit before, once they started everything I felt like I REALLY had to pee during all of it. They were able to place everything “perfectly” with the help of the ultrasound and after they placed them the embryologist took the tube back to the other room to check to make sure they were actually in there… waited for maybe 30-60 seconds with everything hanging out on the table, they said we’re good, and then we were done! They had me hang out on the table (still on an incline) for 5 minutes following the procedure, then walked to the bathroom and then back to the recliner area where hubs was waiting and I got to relax again and get dressed. We were out the door and in the car by 1:32…. our fet was originally scheduled for 1:30. Yeah- kind of awesome.

So let’s talk about emotional and psychological side of everything. I’ve been crabby and ridiculous with my hormones, and I was doing ok up until we started with the speculum and everything. Now, I want a baby. I’m still scared of needles. And I’ve basically put my life on hold in order to focus on this. Here’s a glimpse of what I was saying to myself once I became uncomfortable/semi-in-pain (feel free to skip my rant here):

 omg I could actually be pregnant after this. I might be a mom. What if this doesn’t work? What if I’ve gone through all of this for nothing? Do I even want kids? Is this really a good idea? There’s still time to back out! What am I saying, of course I want kids. You even have your sister-in-law giving you shots in the ass for goodness sake! Just breathe, it’s not that bad. Omg what is labor and delivery going to be like? No you can’t think about that, it’s just one moment. You can handle this. Damn I have to pee. I never thought I’d have three people helping to get me pregnant while my husband is in another room… what if I’m a bad mom? Maybe I’ll distract myself by watching the procedure on the monitor…. hey that kind of remindes me of watching the needles being injected….holy crap! Never mind I don’t want to watch the monitor anymore. Ok I’ll just breathe… see it’s almost over. Breathe. Breathe. Zen out. You need happiness and a comforting environment. Chill out!

The one thing I’ve known my entire life is that I want to be a mom. I also believe I will be a pretty darn epic one at that. And yet my fear and my anxiety about, well, everything came rushing in while I was on the table. And when I say rushing I mean it literally flooded me to the point where that feeling of just needing to cry and bawl for like an hour comes up? Yeah that. Which by the way, I don’t know how anyone else has been handling hormones, but when I feel the need to cry it hits hard! I don’t always cry, but it feels horrible. Also, I’ve had some crazy dreams since starting progesterone. And to top it off I’ve woken multiple nights now where I’ve been convinced that I didn’t take all of my meds and I’ve messed all of this up. A few nights ago I literally had to stop myself from running downstairs to check what the paper said and I sat on my bed convincing myself that I was dreaming andthat I’ve done all that I needed to. Yay fertility treatment! 

All in all what I can say is this, it’s going to work out one way or another. The crazy that you convince yourself of is not always true, be prepared to second guess yourself throughout the entire process, and trust that you did a good job picking your team. Honestly, there’s not much else that we can do about any of it aside from that. Now that all of this is out in the world, I think I’m going to take a nap when we get home. We went out for lunch after and that was so needed… but I think it’s time to rest and stop worrying for a bit. 

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