Waiting for an ultrasound

Even though they’ve told me I’m pregnant, it doesn’t feel real without having an ultrasound. For that I have one more week to wait. Our first one is scheduled for next Thursday and I’m left sitting and waiting and waiting and thinking and sitting and trying not to stress. It’s hard not stressing. I have no idea how many babies are in there. Was it one that took? Two? Did they split? What if they don’t keep past the first trimester? I’ve gotten back to my crazy vivid dreams of waking up maybe 1-3 hours into sleep being convinced that I didn’t take all of my medication and that I’ve lost the baby because of it. Man…. this is tough stuff. I thought I’d feel better after finding out that I’m pregnant, but instead it led to a slew of other worries and issues. Aside from that recurring theme at night, it’s becoming more and more disappointing that I don’t get to surprise ANYONE with the news that I’m pregnant. Plus I never really wanted people knowing until after the first trimester, but having so many people knowing what we’ve been doing worth the IVF….. well…. everyone asks for updates. And that’s good that they care! But I want something to be a surprise. 😦 I think that’s one of the biggest reasons that we aren’t going to win telling anyone the gender. Heck, we aren’t even going to find out about the gender until baby(S) are born. If I can only get one great surprise out of all of this, it will be the gender so help me! I know that is killing hubs, but he’ll find a way to deal with it. 

During this wait, all I can do is try to stay in the moment, focus on work, and continue to take my meds and do my best to nourish my body. .. now if only Zika wasn’t a thing and I could go rest on a tropical beach someplace…..

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