After 6 months of poking, prodding, surgeries, and medications I am pregnant. I’m one of the lucky ivf patients who got pregnant on the first ivf cycle. After all of this work we are over the moon to be pregnant, so you could see how devastating it is to have something go wrong. On Monday night as I was driving home late from work I started bleeding, not spotting, bleeding. It was terrifying to have the same amount of blood coming out of me at the start of my 7th week of pregnancy as a typical period. I’ve read up on the early signs of miscarriage and I was having a bunch of the symptoms: Bright red fresh blood that was gushing (for a short period of time- thankfully that stopped otherwise I would have made a trip to the ER), significant cramping, and a general sense of queasiness/unease. I had hubs call the on-call nurse, and they let me know it’s typical to have some bleeding early in pregnancy, so we didn’t freak out, we decided to wait it out and call in the morning.
Ok fast forward to the morning. I’m now at work, I stop at the restroom, and while I’m bleeding much much less, I now have two big black clots come out of me and of course I google search what a miscarriage looks like at 7 weeks pregnant because I’ve never seen something like that come out of my body in 18 years of having a period. FYI- DON’T DO IT. JUST DON’T EVER GOOGLE THAT SH*T EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT PREGNANT. IT’S TERRIFYING. Ahem. So we call the fertility clinic –> turns out that since we had our 6 week ultrasound on Thursday we had been discharged from their care because we should be calling our obgyn for my care now. Didn’t matter that it hadn’t even been a week since our ultrasound and my follow up appointment with my obgyn wasn’t for another 2 weeks, call them.
So I call and their office isn’t open yet. so I start talking to the answering service and get disconnected. Call number two, same thing happens. Call number 3 I word vomit what’s going on, my phone number, and that I NEED to speak to a doc it’s an emergency. They take my number and a doc calls me back. Sweetest guy ever, and he got PISSED that my fertility clinic wouldn’t see me for an emergency that soon after being discharged before connecting with my obgyn for my first prenatal visit. Anyway, after a few more back and forth phone calls we finally get me an appointment- the on call doc added me to the end of his day because my doc was booked solid, so he offered to remain at the office late to take care of me.
Fast forward some more hours –> I’m now at my obgyn’s office (one of my best friend’s calls me while I’m waiting to be seen to offer some support- thank you friend! I really needed it and appreciate you so much for your care). We eventually do the transvaginal ultrasound and while doing the ultrasound they initially couldn’t find my baby. There’s nothing so terrifying as going into an ultrasound unsure if baby is still in there or not and them not finding the baby right away. So the doc comments that he’s having some trouble locating it, but to not be discouraged yet he’s still looking. He has to move the ultrasound to a really uncomfortable position to find baby, but eventually it was found. No relief yet, because the last ultrasound we had we saw a brilliant bright white flickering like a strobe light for the heartbeat, and when he initially found baby he didn’t see a heart beat.
Fast forward a bit more and after zooming in to the max that they could, moving the ultrasound around more, and they can finally see a heart beat. It’s a little bit on the slow side, but still good and I immediately began the kind of crying where you can’t control your tears and they just keep coming. Very strange to be crying in front of this new person who has a transvaginal ultrasound up your lady bits while you’re trying to stay still so you can keep seeing your baby alive on that stupid black and white screen…
But I couldn’t be completely relieved yet as the doc was saying “at this time there’s a heartbeat and right now your baby is still alive”…. being very specific to be saying “currently”. He then goes on to explain that I have what’s called a subchorionic hemorrhage, in layman’s terms it means that there is blood behind the placenta. So try to imagine this: baby typically attaches to uterine wall to grow. In my case, there’s a whole bunch of blood between baby and the wall. This means one of two things. As the blood comes out, baby will reattach to the wall, or baby will come out with the blood and I’ll miscarry.
Apparently they see this more in IVF pregnancies than in natural pregnancies and they have no idea what causes it and there’s absolutely nothing that I can do to prevent it or make it better. All I can do is wait and see if the blood leaving my body lets me keep my baby or if my first pregnancy is going to be a miscarriage. While it would have been devastating if we didn’t get pregnant after all of those stupid shots and surgeries and prodding, it’s so much worse to be pregnant and to not know if your baby is going to survive.
Why is it that we have to go through all of the heartache and ups and downs of doing IVF, only to have something like this happen once you’re finally pregnant? I’m terrified, I have no control, I’ve done literally EVERYTHING right, I haven’t even had any caffeine since February when our FET was April 10th, I’ve been taking all of my meds religiously, I keep my stress down, I try to be a generally good person, and to some extent what happens next may in fact be up to karma, God, the universe, fate, or whatever have you. Science and medicine can’t help me right now and all I can do is wait and pray that I don’t miscarry over the next few weeks. I won’t be out of the woods until they see the blood is gone on an ultrasound and that the baby is still there, and they won’t necessarily know that for weeks.