Embryo decisions

We finally got the call today from the cryopreserve place asking us if we were going to keep our embryos, donate them t a person or to science, or have them destroyed…

Every time I think I have an answer… I just don’t. I am selfish and I don’t want some other family having our embryo. And I don’t want to bring a baby into the world who carries the BRAC2 gene. And I don’t want them destroyed and I don’t want them donated to science and I don’t want them hanging around for no good reason.  I wish we had more that didn’t have the gene. It would be easy then- we would keep them preserved until our next round of IVF. .. oh god that brings up that we’re going to have to go through stim meds and an egg retrieval and a cycle with PIO again…. I don’t know if I can do any of it. I’m feeling so so low today I didn’t even go blueberry picking with my mother-in-law and instead I made up that I have to go into work when in reality I don’t today. Today I want to lay around and contemplate this crap that we are dealing with. I just wanted to have babies and a big family damnit! I never wanted all of these decisions or the surgeries or the problems. I wanted a family. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get all of this figured out- maybe ever- definitely not by Thursday. Sigh. Hubs and I are discussing it tonight. I don’t want to go through all of that again. I really don’t. I’m going to complain just a bit more: I don’t want any more shots or hormones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Ok. I’m ok. I’ll make it through all of this. Baby is due Dec 27th. Just focus on baby before getting that far ahead…. and I keep thinking of all of the horrible things we went through over this past year. It almost killed our relationship a few times. I don’t want to do it again! 

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